Just one person's tale to tell....

I am a 35-year-old journalist who has decided there is no better way to overcome difficult times than to write--feel free to post, comment or just read along. This is my blog about the struggles I endured of trying to conceive. For all those out there who are experiencing the same difficulties--sometimes it is nice to hear that you are not alone.
"I have not failed 10000 times; I have successfully found 10000 ways that do not work." ~ Thomas Edison

Friday, August 17, 2012

BFN and embies lost :(

It took me a while to sit down to write that our first FET attempt came back negative. I think I knew before we even did our Beta that it just wasn't meant to be. It's hard to explain but I just didn't feel it. Throughout the cycle I was unmedicated --meaning the clinic was pretty much making me come in on a  daily basis for bloodwork.
For this cycle I didn't tell any of our friends or family so I was driving from Barrie to London for 7:30am and then back to Toronto for 10am work! I was doing about 5.5 hours of driving before my work day even started and when I look back I don't think this could've been great for my body.
The day before our FET, my DH and I decided to head down to London by ourselves. We left our precious babes with nana and papa and we were actually excited for a meal out. We checked into the super luxurious 'Super 7' motel (oh yeah not the Super 8....Super 7!!) lol and made our way to a steak house.
15 minutes into our meal I started feeling nauseous and thinking it was from the endometrin pills (for uterine lining) that I had started a few days before, we decided to take our meals back to the motel.
Turns out both my DH and I got hit with a violent case of the flu and spent the whole night on the bathroom floor. When I tried to see if we could postpone the transfer our lil embies were already defrosted. So I dragged myself to the hospital and waited outside so that I didn't get anyone else sick. My DH couldn't even leave the motel he was so sick...so I was pretty much alone when I found out that our first FOUR embryos had not survived the thaw process. So out of our nine embryos--six had been used to get our two embies ready to implant.
I was SHOCKED...I never thought that we would be down to only three left if this cycle didn't work and now that I was feeling ill-- my heart just sank.
15 days past our transfer we got the news that it was negative. And after a $700 transfer fee and $300 in endrometrin costs we are tapped out for the summer.
It was not the news we were hoping for..and I was so looking forward to Ethan having a sibling two years apart, but it just wasn't meant to be.
I know I should be sooo soo grateful for the miracle that he is to begin with and I am. I was so glad to come home to my lil bean running towards me for a snuggle. He really is my entire world and the best thing I've ever accomplished.
We are back in savings mode and hoping that those three lil frosties can hang on for a spring thaw!