Just one person's tale to tell....

I am a 35-year-old journalist who has decided there is no better way to overcome difficult times than to write--feel free to post, comment or just read along. This is my blog about the struggles I endured of trying to conceive. For all those out there who are experiencing the same difficulties--sometimes it is nice to hear that you are not alone.
"I have not failed 10000 times; I have successfully found 10000 ways that do not work." ~ Thomas Edison

Monday, December 28, 2009

Day 28

Today is Day 28 of my cycle and already I feel as if AF will be making an appearance. It's like I have started to set myself up for disappointment before it happens so I can handle it better, but losing that positivity isn't a good thing either. I have started to think about Cycle 3 and trying to focus on the positive points and that cycle 3 will be our time. Maybe its just the holiday blahs getting me down...the countless relatives asking "when are you having little ones?" "maybe they'll be another grandchild next year...nudge nudge" --all while patting my baren belly--ughg-- it just makes me cringe thinking about it.... I know they mean well but I have come to realize just how precious that belly becomes--prego or not!
I can now sympathize with pregnant women who don't want people touching their swollen bellies....well I would like a shirt that says my baren one is just off limits as well! :)

Thursday, December 17, 2009

My Fertility Journey

I have decided to start a blog...FINALLY. As a reporter you would think that I would have had one of these a long long time ago but I guess I always felt after a long day of writing, what else did I have left inside me?
Well now I feel I have lots to write down and share my journey of the last year and the road ahead to my final destination to be a mom.
My husband and I were married on November 1, 2008 and since the moment my husband got down on one knee I always thought we would get pregnant on our honeymoon! We spent three and half AMAZING weeks traveling to Egypt, Jordan and Israel in what was one of the most exciting and romantic trips of my life. From five star hotels to diving resorts to quaint roof top hostels in the Old city in Jeruseleum it was perfect in every way BUT our last few days in Israel I got my AF (Aunt Flo), my first of many disappointments over the months to come.
At first it was more frustrating than anything when hearing that many of our friends had concieved with one try..literally! I could not understand how we did not have the same luck--and we were definitely trying :) but I learned very quickly to focus on myself and not to worry about how things work out for others. It is a journey that is different for everyone.
We took matters into our own hands after 8 months--I'm not sure why family doctors tell you to wait a year and then come back. I knew something was off after about 3 months and I knew I didn't want to wait around while my family doctor smiled and said I was over-reacting (note to anyone who has also experienced this--take matters into your own hands and demand a referall --no fertility clinic tells you that you have to wait a year!) After convincing my family doctor that I needed an ultrasound for some pelvic pains I'd been experiencing I finally felt I was taking control of a situation I needed answers to. The results came back that I had some ovarian cysts..no big deal as I've had them before but still wanted to get them checked out.
This was in July 2009--my referall to a gync. was not until DECEMBER 2009. I was floored and no amount of phonecalls or pleading would get me an earlier appt. I quickly asked to be referred back to a doctor I had seen in London, Ontario when I was in University. In my early 20's I went through some medical issues after my appendix had burst at some point during my first year of school and after countless trips to emergency rooms and doctors, I finally had surgery in May 2000 where it was discovered that I had massive amounts of bacteria throughout my bowels, abdomen as well as encasing my ovaries and fallopian tubes. Amazingly enough the gynacologist who discovered all this in surgery also runs a fertility clinic and knows my medical history better than anyone. Within a week I had an appointment where he did ultrasounds, sperm count, HSG and blood work. It came back that my ovaries, uterus and tubes all look clear, and while DR. is not entirely sure if my tubes are picking up my eggs (as they can't conduct this test which would be a camera through my belly button because they feel it is too high risk with my prior surgery and could hit my bowels or scar tissue). The doctor says things are looking as if they are functioning but with my past it's hard to tell what exactly is going on--which lables us as UNKNOWN INFERTILITY. uuuughhhh!
It's one of those things that drives you nuts because you want to be able to fix it, but if you don't know whats wrong how can you fix it. We have decided to give fertility drugs a shot first before completely comitting to the expensive and invasive IVF procedure. We are in our second cycle of Clomid and only looking ahead. Keeping my fingers crossed for this month!!