Just one person's tale to tell....

I am a 35-year-old journalist who has decided there is no better way to overcome difficult times than to write--feel free to post, comment or just read along. This is my blog about the struggles I endured of trying to conceive. For all those out there who are experiencing the same difficulties--sometimes it is nice to hear that you are not alone.
"I have not failed 10000 times; I have successfully found 10000 ways that do not work." ~ Thomas Edison

Thursday, June 24, 2010

One more day till vaca!

I'm sitting in my office basically counting down the hours till I am off for a whole week! I start my synarel nasal spray on Tuesday and decided I wanted to have some time to pack and relax before this all gets started. We have most of our small stuff packed up--books, CDs, Dvds, half the kitchen and winter clothes are all at the door and ready to go. Thankfully my father-in-law is going to be helping us do a few loads on Monday and my hallway will start to clear out a bit for me to start stacking more boxes to pack.
On Tuesday my DH and I decided to do something fun just the two of us (he only has the monday and tuesday off and since he works at a golf course we RARELY have days off together) so we are planning for a day at Canada's Wonderland---what better way to start our roller coaster ride than to actually ride the coasters! ;)
The rest of my week I'm going to head to our family cottage with my sister-in-law and our youngest nephew Jackson (who is sure to make me smile the entire time). I've stocked up on my summer reading and can't wait to relax on the dock--while sniffing my nasal spray every morning at 7am and 7pm!

Monday, June 21, 2010

Stuck in the land of boxes

Since my DH and I have found out that we will be starting our cycle on June 29, things have started to move pretty quickly. Prior to our consultation we had already decided to move back in with my parents in order to save for our procedure--as well as be able to afford a house when the time comes. We had planned to move on July 24 in order to be out of our beloved downtown Toronto apartment by August 1,  but now that it is quite possible we will be doing our ER that weekend everything has been put on hyperdrive.
We have to move majority of our stuff about three weeks sooner than expected as well as find a cheap and reliable car for me to get to work (currently I am 4 subway stops from work *sigh*). The stress is definitely starting to build and I have to keep telling myself to stay stress free. It will all get done in time like it always does..right?
We have started to take some carloads of stuff over to my parents in Mississauga which will be our new stomping grounds for now, and are setting up shop in the basement. We do have a pretty good set up, with a bedroom, bathroom, TV room and not to mention a full irish bar (which I obviously will not be getting any use of!) 
While I love my apartment and the bustle of the city, I am looking forward to taking the next step and if it means a bit of sacrifice than so be it. I am excited to have the support of our family and friends but also from my DH who is willing to move in with his in-laws during the same time his wife is going on meds! (I think he may get use out of the bar ;) 

Friday, June 18, 2010

Best Birthday Surprise

I recently just celebrated my 32nd birthday and was estatic when our clinic called with a cancellation appointment for June 17. We instantly jumped at the opportunity and even after an exhausting four day business trip I was up and ready at 5am to make the 2 hour drive.
We arrived right on time and was taken through the five hour consultation appointment--which was really just amazing -- the entire team at our clinic are extremelly thorough and understanding, once again reassuring me that we have made the best choice with LHSC . We met our case nurse Monica and after reviewing my cycle discovered that I could in fact start this month!!
Best birthday ever!!!  So on June 29 (Cycle Day 22) I will start my first set of drugs--synarel--a nasal spray that will bring my estrogen level down and suppress my system. On July 10 I go back for blood work and hope that my estrogen is below 200 so I can start my injectables!
Never thought I would say I am excited to stick a needle in myself on a daily basis but here I am in anticipation!! If everything goes well we are looking at implanting some wee embryos around July 24. That would be an April DD----keeping my fingers AND toes crossed for our first IVF cycle to be a success.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Learn to Relax....seriously???!!

One of the most frustrating pieces of advice I constantly hear (since publicly discussing our fertility issues) is that I just need to learn to relax. It’s amazing that everyone and their mother seem to think if you just relax  then you will spontaneously combust with child. At first I could nod and smile and say “yeah I am a fairly relaxed person but thanks for the tip”—but now I feel like giving them a complete biology lesson on the mechanics of a woman and that sometimes relaxing does #!%* all.  Even if I ever conceive without any ART I swear I will never give that piece of advice to anyone struggling with TTC because it is honestly just useless. Try telling someone who has to take their temperature every morning, or is charting their ovulation week or has a regimented schedule of meds to take that they should drop it all and BAM it will all work out—because the reality is that sometimes it doesn’t work out and it is devastating for people just to assume you are an uptight person and that is why you haven’t conceived. I am lucky enough that not one of my close girlfriends or sisters have given me such useless advice and instead have all sat with me, countless times, to just listen to what I have to say. They nod and smile and encourage what I am doing—they ask me questions with sincere curiosity—and while they all tell me that maybe one day a tiny miracle will be inside me, they never tell me that the route I have chosen to take, is one that I have done in haste. And I can honestly say that I am never more relaxed than I am after a chat with my gals!

Thursday, June 3, 2010


....that we finally got our case worker appointment for June 30 at 8:30 am. Apparently the clinic was trying to get a hold of us as we cancelled our home phone and they didn't have our cells---ughh-- was kicking myself for that but relieved that we got in for June. I am suppose to start AF around July 3 so that means we would begin cycling in JULY!!!!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

First Oogla (OWL) SALE!

Today I sold my first Oogla---very exciting as all proceeds are going to our IVF treatment. I plan to try get about 40 precious owls ready for sale over the next couple months and see how I do selling them online.

Here is my friend Beth buying my first Oogla COLBY

                                                              MADE WITH LOVE


Well we have started to organize fundraisers over the summer to help out with the crazy fees that OHIP does not cover and so far the first event was a huge success!!

My sister Pam threw a HUGE garage sale and brought in $586.24!!!!---unbelievable --and her husband was a pro at pushing the product off the lawn! I was mostly overwhelmed by the amount of items she had to sell and never once hesitated to sell it all. It was a great family day with my two nieces running around, my older sister and her husband stopped by to help (thanks for motorcycle ride Jim) and my nephews even came out with some toys to sell.

Unfortunately my DH had to work and my parents were away for the weekend but all in all we had a great day with perfect weather too. My older sister also donated $100.00 from her personal cleaning business (that's a whole day of free cleaning she did!) which was totally unexpected--and made me realize that we are certainly not alone in all this.
So we are now up to $686.24!

Other events my sister and I are setting up are some fun LADIES NIGHT OUT events!!!

I am hosting three separate Clothing swap events --for $20 ladies get a fun night out to spice up their closets while being served hot hors d'oeuvres, wine, cupcakes and more by some hot sassy men!

Everyone brings 5 pieces of  clothing including belts, purses, jewelry and of course SHOES. Everyone has a chance to browse the goods. Then they pick a number out of a hat and numbers 1-5 go first in a dash to the item they want, then 6-10 and so on. At then end it becomes a free for all--with any leftover items going to a woman's shelter. I went to one of these events a few months ago and had a blast!

The dates are June 26, July 17 and August 13 2010.

Part of the evening we want to also have a raffle and door prizes--and so far the response from local business have been amazing--everything from donated photo sessions, massage therapy, knitted items, baby accessories, bath salts and personal trainers--have all responded wanting to help out.

As well at the end of the evening every lady is getting a swag bag with some items in it and business cards of many of the donated items ( I hope to provide some business for their generosity!)