Just one person's tale to tell....

I am a 35-year-old journalist who has decided there is no better way to overcome difficult times than to write--feel free to post, comment or just read along. This is my blog about the struggles I endured of trying to conceive. For all those out there who are experiencing the same difficulties--sometimes it is nice to hear that you are not alone.
"I have not failed 10000 times; I have successfully found 10000 ways that do not work." ~ Thomas Edison

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Prometrium..ohh what joy!

As most IVFers know that as soon as you do your egg retrieval your clinic will start you on prometrium--or some a drug form of progesterone. These are little pellet pills that you have to insert (with no applicator) three times a day--two pills each time! and of course just like canesten...you get a pretty gross elmer glue discharge (sorry for grossness but you should be warned-right!)
These pills have to be inserted until you are 10 weeks pregnant so I only have FOUR WEEKS LEFT..*sigh*.
I know they are doing their job and keeping my lil bean or beans snug in my uterus --as it thickens your uterus lining--but I'm not going to lie, I will be extremely happy when I no longer have to pop these puppies in there.
I have to take mine at 7 a.m., 3 p.m. (at work!) and then 11 p.m.--and since I've been pretty exhausted during these first few weeks but DH has been amazing at waking me up at 11 p.m. so that we stay on schedule. Its usually pretty funny because I'm half asleep in a zombie state while I trek off to the bathroom with pills in hand.
Also I've heard from a few friends that prometrium can be prescribed for those women who have experienced miscarriages--and they do take the pills until 10 weeks.
Some women on my fertility form have been taking an different brand--Endometrin "effervescent vaginal tablets...and they come with an applicator!!! Apparently they dissolve quicker and produce less of a discharge. The only downfall is they are considered a reproductive pharmaceutical so if you are not covered for fertility drugs you will have to pay for the full prescription. We unfortunately do not have fertility drug coverage but our prometrium is covered under my regular drug plan---so looks like I'm stuck with elmers glue!! :)

Monday, August 16, 2010

Pics from the day we got our great news!

so excited to hear of our BFP  :)
Town of Sparta

Minutes after hearing the news!
John holding SPARTA the bear!

another positive..arghhhh

While my DH and I are completely over the moon with our news, I cannot stop and think about all the women who are still struggling to conceive and when I tell my news or make a post I can already feel their stomachs drop with the news of yet another positive....something I understand oh so well.
No matter how happy you want to be for someone its devastating and almost spirit breaking that it is not you. I remember hearing three pregnancy announcements in one day and that was it for me...total breakdown-- Or the horrid world of Face book that is forever filled with cutesy status updates of lil beans, ultrasound pics and birth announcements....yet you somehow can't force yourself to shut your page down.

So Ladies I want to continue to post about infertility and continue to be a part of ivf.ca-- Its a topic I cannot stop reading about and hope to continue to help those that need to know there are people out there that have gone through the same pain. When we started our journey almost two years ago I searched everywhere to get information that would help me get through another month and I'm glad I found the blogs and sites (and even an old friend) that openly told me their stories --some with happy endings and some with very sad ones so I hope people continue to read my blog as inspiration!

Hugs to all

Friday, August 13, 2010


I cannot believe that I am officially pregnant....4 weeks and 5 days to be exact!

Yesterday DH and I made the trek to London so that we would get our blood-work results back in the afternoon (you are allowed to do it here in Toronto but then you have to wait a few days for results)--the blood-work is at 7 am and then you have to wait ALL day to hear from them--usually around 2-3pm so we decided to take the scenic route home and drive through Aylmer to stop at some antique stores and a winery that a friend had recommended (where I sampled the amazing non alcoholic peach wine..haha--umm isn't that just bubbly peach juice!) . So while it was a great idea to keep our minds off of things, what we didn't realize is that we were COMPLETELY out of cell phone range.

We got back in the car and when we were driving I noticed I had a missed call but for the life of me I couldn't get a call out to anyone. So here we are driving in the country with me trying to get a signal on both my and DH phones...kicking myself for missing the damn call. Finally my DH's phone starts ringing and we pull over on the side of the road. We have to wait a while for the receptionist to get the nurse Kim on the line and then she is there...asking if I've had any spotting or bleeding..and I'm thinking OH NO..its a negative and she wants to know if I've had my AF.
So I respond a nervous "no?!" and she says well that's great because you are pregnant! Instantly DH and I are both crying and then I realize we are on a side road in between two corn fields--just too funny!
My beta level was 683 (anything over 100 is prego) so some of our friends and relatives are convinced its twins but we'll have to wait until u/s on Sept. 2.

After the call we drove into a sleepy town called Sparta in Elgin county---we stopped for some lemonade in this old british tea house and went shopping in the small country store where I purchased our first grey teddy--  who we named Sparta--to remember the day of our great news!!!

For all you mommas-in-waiting---I know your time will come and until then I am throwing my dust your way! XOX

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Tomorrow we will know..eeek

So it's 3:50 pm on Wednesday and my DH is picking me up in 40 minutes for us to make the trek down to London once again. For two whole weeks I have managed to not drive myself crazy or read too much into symptoms that could be pregnancy--or just crappy side effects of progesterone!
We are spending the night with a good friend of mine that just happens to be in town (as she lives overseas) so it should be a great night of reminiscing, chatting away and perrier water for moi! Needless to say it will be a great distraction to the 7 am blood work and the waiting around all day for the clinic to call..ughhh...but what is one more day when you've waited almost 2 years for this right?

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

and then there were nine!

So we just got word from our clinic that out of our 14 remaining embryos, nine of them were viable for freezing. My DH was pretty happy with this number (as he should be because some couples don't get any) but I couldn't help but feel a little sad for the five that didn't make it. I mean there is a reason embryos aren't viable for freezing and most of the time it has to do with development or abnormal cells so transferring them may not be an option to begin with--in the end I have to look at it that I still have nine more chances of being a mom with this cycle!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

The dreaded wait is not that dreaded

So we are one week away from doing our bloodwork and a lot of people have been asking me how I can stand the wait...and honestly it hasn't been that difficult. I guess its hard to explain but almost 2 years of waiting every month you really don't build yourself up anymore. It is much easier to not think about it than drive yourself nuts constantly wondering. My DH and I haven't really spoken about the "what ifs" over the past week and it has certainly paid off as I'm not feeling stressed about things at all.

I know for most woman it sounds crazy and there are a lot of woman on my forum who give tips and ideas on how to handle the dreaded 2 week wait---but for me I'm focusing on work (which is extremely busy), getting our new "basement" pad organized and trying to enjoy the rest of the summer...so much so I'm going to hang out on my friend's boat at Ontario Place while we listen to the sounds of the rihanna concert tonight (of course I'll be drinking perrier while they have much tastier cocktails!). Life cannot stop and one thing I've really learned through all this is it is much easier to be disappointed when you build something up so much in your mind--it will be such an amazing surprise when I get those 2 lil pink lines one day!

Both my DH and I are extremely optimistic--but we also are aware of the risks that come with IVF and of course one of them is that it's not always beginner' s luck--we are excited for next Thursday and have decided that regardless of the results Thursday will be our day. We are shutting our phones off and I will not be posting (just a warning so you don't constantly log on) any results---with our complete openess throughout the whole procedure I feel this day is one for us to enjoy just the two of us...like any other couple who finds out they are pregnant --its a moment to cherish (hopefully with complete joy!)

Till then I'm just plugging away, still putting those pretty progestrone pills up the hooch (oh yeah 2 pills 3x a day...but it will keep that uterine lining nice and thick!) and thinking of all the mommas-to-be...

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

What are lil embies are doing in there!!

For those of you who may wonder what is going on with those two lil embies...here is what we are hoping is happening!!

3-DAY TRANSFER:  (dpt= days past transfer)
1dpt ..embryo is growing and developing
2dpt... Embryo is now a blastocyst
3dpt....Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day
4dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining
5dpt.. Implantation begins,as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining
6dpt.. Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining
7dpt.. Morula is completely inmplanted in the lining and has placenta cells & fetal cells
8dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood
9dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops
10dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops
11dpt...HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT